This was a direct-to-video offering in 1996 and it shows - contextual shots are doubled up (not 7 seconds apart), shot to shot inaccuracies are abundant (see below as the body lands on a car with 4 (!) different cuts that make no sense when woven together) and the dialogue is trash. They definitely used their LAFD-giant-air-bag-for-stunt-doubles budget wisely.
Anna nicole smith skyscraper rape movie#
This movie is all kinds of stupid ( we don’t even get into the skyscraper until 35 minutes in) but if there’s one good thing that came from Skyscraper it’s that there are a few good shots of people falling off of buildings. They come armed with a million bullets and use every single one of them to shoot computers and stacks of paper.
Anna nicole smith skyscraper rape full#
He commands a team full of oiled up stock DTV mullet sporting white males who can’t shoot straight and one Whoopi Goldberg look-alike who also can’t shoot straight. He’s a South African terrorist, hellbent on using stupid philosophical quotes before he kills people. Her nemesis is Nakim, played by Calvin Levels. His reason for not wanting a baby is because she “works during the day and he works at night.” After his comedian partner gets roasted by a rocket, he’s ready for revenge, but is so terrible in combat that he’s simply saved repeatedly by others. He’s about as useful as an asshole on an elbow and just as smart. Her husband is Gordie Wink, played by Richard Steinmetz. “Some stupid, irrelevant Henry V quote that may have looked better on paper.” She also really wants a baby, revealed in a subplot that goes nowhere.
She’s a badass who can shoot (as we see in a flashback where she decimates six lined up beer bottles) but also can’t shoot (as we see when she misses twenty or so shots from a gun that holds six bullets while firing at a lumbering American Gladiator who’s equally inept with a firearm). Oh, and unlike Die Hard, we get some softcore pornographic scenes here (just highlighting Anna Nicole Smith’s breasts) and a super awkward attempted rape.Īnna Nicole Smith plays Carrie Wink, a Los Angeles helicopter taxi pilot who can plop her jugs out quicker than she can drool out accurate lines of dialogue. It’s even got an Ellis character (who begets the exact same fate), a Carl Winslow character (the “cop” who gets his first kill), the cop helping from the outside, people crawling through building vents, a scene where the hero rappels down the face of the skyscraper and kicks in through a window, and a heaping helping of 90’s clothing. Take Die Hard, reduce the budget by about 97, replace the director with someone who hails Andy Sidaris films as the greatest things in the world, and switch Bruce. In Skyscraper, a group of foreign terrorists led by a calm, eccentric break into a skyscraper, use the system to lock the place down from the inside, take a bunch of people hostage, and use their time inside to complete a heist. Skyscraper is a pathetic attempt to turn Playboy model Anna Nicole Smith into some sort of action hero in the tradition of the historic Die Hard, and the end result is ridiculous. Skyscraper doesn’t really use the Die Hard “formula” as much as it just straight up rips off the whole movie and then bolts tits on top of John McClane. “Well, excuse me for still believing in Sunday walks in the park, and little babies!”
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